I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
