the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
