i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
