i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
