The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
