Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i drank out of a bidet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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