Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
