just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
