tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize