So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
