hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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