remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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