It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
