Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
