i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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