My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
