rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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