Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
worst night to have a conscience
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
