The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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