There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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