toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize