I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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