the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
