In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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