I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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