we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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