Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How external is "for external use only"?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
