Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
