I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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