and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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