either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
