She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
