saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
