how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
