where does the pee come out of this thing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
