Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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