haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
