Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
