I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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