OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
