Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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