some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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