end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize