Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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