If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
