hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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