I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
