Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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