i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
