wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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