Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
