remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
