I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
