Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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