The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
