Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize