when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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