i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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