Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
