Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
