You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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