Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize