I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
