Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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