just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
