winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
