my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
