You smell like stripper and shame
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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