Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize