i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
