When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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