i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
