no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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