i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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