I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
