i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
