I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize