well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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