She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize