last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
