Sry I called you an 8
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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