so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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