Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
too bad you live with your parents still
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
