every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
