Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
