i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
