I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
