Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize