Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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