K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
