oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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