There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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