it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
