but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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